Relationships are what give our life meaning. However, if you want to have a meaningful relationship in your life, you need to nurture it every single day . You have to make an effort every single day. Maintaining a relationship can be a difficult task at times as you will inevitably have bad days. But you have to accept the good with the bad.
Before diving into this article to learn how to function and maintain a relationship, make sure that you are with the right partner. It is not uncommon for us to choose partners who reflect our internal wounding and are similar to one or both of our parents. If we get married before we have done inner work and know who we are, we will likely end up with someone who is our teacher but not the equal partner we have dreamed of.
Other people are mirrors of our beliefs about ourselves.
When we are unwilling to see our own reflection in the other person, the relationship becomes painful. To make a relationship work, you need to work on yourself most of all. You also need to be crystal clear about what type of person you want to be with and set your standards . Once you’ve found someone you love (who meets your standards and values), it’s mostly an internal matter. Just like everything else in life.
Not every relationship is meant to last. Regardless of how long you are meant to be together, you can enjoy the experience and use it as one of the greatest tools to grow faster. Every relationship is meant to teach us valuable lessons about ourselves.
Not all lessons are fun and easy. But all are important.
6 key principles for making a relationship work
1. Love yourself first
If you don’t love yourself, your partner won’t be able to help you with it. On the contrary, they will reflect your lack of self-love and self-confidence.
In order for a relationship to work and last, you have to look inside yourself to see where you stand in relation to yourself. Are you neglecting yourself? Have you made yourself dependent on your partner?
Lots of people get into relationships for the wrong reasons. They feel lonely and want someone to value them because they don’t value themselves. But as long as you want your partner to make you feel good about yourself, you push them away and are even further from loving yourself.
The other person is never the source of your happiness and love.
You have to find it in yourself, whether you are in a relationship or not. This can be a tough lesson, but it also gives you freedom within. If you want to make a relationship work, focus first on being the source of love for yourself . If you don’t love yourself, you can’t expect someone else to love you completely. It just doesn’t work that way. You only attract people who reflect you where you energetically stand.
2. Don’t get lost in your partner
When we have found a partner, we feel so happy that it is very easy to forget about what we want and need. We could compromise who we are to spend more time with him. The longer we are in the relationship, the more we get used to doing things together. That makes sense. Everyone has seen this before.
But that’s so dangerous for any relationship. When we let go of our hobbies, goals, and friends so we can spend more time together, we make the relationship co-dependent. And that will never work and last .
It is vital to still work on your dreams and have the “ME time”. The I-time is your space in which you do what you love. As you do what you love, you recharge your batteries and then you feel happier and share that happiness with your partner.
Therefore, it is crucial for both of you. This is especially true for women. I have a saying, “An unhappy woman means an unhappy relationship and family”. So it doesn’t help anyone if you’re available all the time and forget about the things that make your heart sing. Remember, a great relationship begins with you.
3. Take responsibility for your own chaos
Everyone has different experiences and beliefs. We carry our baggage of unhealed issues everywhere we go. But somehow, oddly enough, many of us expect that once we are in a relationship, we can hand over our luggage to the other person and they will help us carry it. So we blame the other person when things don’t go the way we want or we don’t feel good.
But the other person IS NOT the cause of your problems. Yes, they trigger them, and sometimes very well, but they just mirror back any unhealed wounds for you to let go of. We have all experienced some negative treatment from family, school, society, exes, etc.
But the pain does not go away on its own, because there is stuck energy in your system that you have to consciously let go. Otherwise, it will stay there and attract similar painful moments until you decide to heal it.
4. Be like an open book
While there are plenty of tips on how to stay mysterious and maintain the attraction, if you want to create a lasting relationship that is built on trust, then forget about this piece of advice.
Another relationship killer is assumption.
If you’re not communicating exactly what you want, think, and need, your partner will accept for what it is. And that leads to misunderstandings. The reverse is also true. Of course, if they don’t tell you exactly how things are, then your thought goes into some negative scenarios.
Good communication is important. Always say what exactly you want and feel.
Even if you don’t know If you feel bad for no apparent reason instead of answering “nothing” when your partner asks how you are, say so; “I feel bad, but I don’t know why. This feeling started a few days ago, but it has nothing to do with us. Please give me some time to find out. ”This is more precise than simply saying“ nothing ”even if you are unsure of yourself what is going on.
5. Don’t try to own it
Your partner is not yours. Even if you’ve been meant to be together for 30 years. Nobody belongs to us. The truth is that we were born alone and will walk out of this world alone.
Hence, you are the only person you will always be with, all the time, yourself.
Your partner also has their own hobbies and dreams. And just like you, they should follow their hearts and do what they love. Any control (hidden or not) is like poison for both of you. We all have free will, and that means that not everyone will always act the way you want them to. If they exceed the limit of your standards then you need to consider whether you are ready to move on, but don’t try to lock them up before it happens. Otherwise they will run away.
6. Support them
Meaningful relationship: A relationship isn’t always 50/50. Take the 80/20 because they need you.
Be the greatest cheerleader for your partner.
When they’re happy, your relationship will be more relaxed and supportive of each other. I don’t know anything worse than a person who buries their dreams and then at some point looks back and is depressed that they didn’t do what they wanted.
When you love your partner , you want them to do what makes them happy and create a supportive environment. The bonus is that when they are working on their dreams, it is a time for you to do what you love, too.