In relationships of any kind, sometimes there are arguments. This is normal because every person on earth is an individual and there is no other person who has the same mindset as you. Of course, this is also the case in romantic relationships. From time to time it also happens that you have a violent argument with your partner. “In every argument I think of separation”, I have heard this sentence several times.
Both from my girlfriends and when I was talking to myself.
I think a lot of people did that because they were very angry at the moment and also knew that they didn’t mean it that honestly.
But when you say that phrase loud and clear, and say it to your partner, it takes on a completely different meaning and can carry different emotions and sequences.
You could say that you are threatening your partner if you tell him “every fight I think of separation”.
Imagine how you would feel if you heard these words from your partner?
Is that why you are here, too, to find out the meaning and what is really hidden behind this sentence?
Is it a good decision to mention this phrase during the argument? And saying this sentence in anger and emotion, even though you don’t mean it?
Do you think that if you say that every time you fight you think about breaking up, do you think that you will prevent fights?
Has your partner or you, whoever uses this phrase, ever wondered if this could have negative consequences for the relationship?
You will find the answers to these questions right in this article, because we are going to delve into them in order to explain in the simplest and best way what exactly these words can trigger in the partner.
Is it normal to think about a breakup during an argument?
As I said, every relationship has its moments of crisis. But you and your partner are the people who understand your relationship best and know how serious it is.
In moments of anger, rage and affect, you can say a lot that you don’t mean at all.
This also depends on the temperament and character of the person.
Not all of us deal with stressful situations in the same way. There are people who can’t control themselves in these moments and say something like: “Every fight I think of separation”.
You’re the person who knows your partner best, and if they’re that type of guy, you don’t take it seriously.
However, this will definitely trigger negative emotions in you and you will become sad and then also ask yourself whether it is worth hearing all this and fighting for this relationship.
On the other hand, if you’re the one saying those heavy words, your partner will feel the same way.
In general, it’s not a good idea to say that every fight brings a breakup to mind.
This statement certainly cannot have a positive effect and also cannot bring about a good change in the relationship.
One should of course take this statement when it is something serious and when you both know that the relationship has come to an end and that it is time and that it is time for both sides to go their own way .
In the next few sections, we’ll explain this in much more detail. We suggest what you or your partner should do during the argument instead of saying that when you argue you each think about breaking up.
1. Don’t suppress your feelings, say exactly what you mean
It’s not healthy to remain silent and suppress your feelings just to avoid a fight.
It only makes things worse and when it all adds up, it gets to the point where you both can’t take it anymore and say a lot of bad things at the argument.
If something in the relationship is bothering you, no matter what it is, find a good moment to bring it up.
If you’re constantly arguing about different things but keep coming back to the same topic, then that topic is actually where you need to work.
Talk about it with your partner and open your heart to them. He will appreciate that and then maybe tell you what he would like to change in the relationship.
Explain to him that you don’t want to hurt him and that you would like to work on improving your relationship.
Something about this issue is unresolved, and the issues—the little things that spark the argument—are just the way the issue gets you both back on track to resolve it.
Communication is and always has been the key to any success.
Talk calmly, in a nice, pleasant tone, without shouting or tending to make your partner feel bad.
Don’t make him feel guilty. Whether we admit it or not, we all sometimes do it to make ourselves feel better.
But that’s not a good thing. You’re both adults, so sit down and work things out.
However, if it has come to the point that you can no longer function together, then there is a solution for that too.
2. When you’re fighting, don’t insist that you’re right
We all think we’re right because we see things in such a way that we think we’ve done everything right.
Although sometimes that may not be the case.
Disputes also arise because we think the other side is wrong.
Worse still, both our partner and we often don’t say what we mean, but we’ve said a lot about that in the previous section.
All in all, all parts are linked together.
Threatening to leave your partner if they don’t do what you want makes your relationship more insecure.
It changes the dynamics of arguments and assumptions, opening the door to a separate future. Your partner may also be considering a divorce.
Before we start arguing, it is always better to express all arguments and ways of thinking and discuss them calmly.
Of course, you can’t always control yourself and accept everything our partner says and move on.
From time to time misunderstandings are bound to occur, but you are both there to clarify them.
So don’t always insist that you’re right, but also listen to what the other side has to say.
Then decide if it would be good for you to insist on your way of thinking.
Don’t be stubborn either. However, if you find that your partner is right, admit it.
Apologize, tell him he’s right, and aside from the problem, offer a solution and find a compromise that’s okay with both your partner and you.
Isn’t that better than just saying “every fight I think of breaking up!”
This sentence is really very difficult and it is not easy to say these words and hardly hear them.
3. Disclose triggers
Both our partner and ourselves know what annoys the other and what statement can lead to arguments over and over again.
People withdraw when they feel attacked, bored, or disinterested in an attempt to maintain autonomy, control, and distance.
A good, maybe the best piece of advice would be to stop mentioning these triggers in conversations.
Threats of divorce often stem from an inability to directly communicate the underlying issue.
People feel unable to say they are angry, hurt, or scared.
This leads them to resort directly to the ultimate weapon – the threat of ending the relationship altogether.
No person in the world will say that their partner or themselves are perfect!
And it is. There will always be one thing that will annoy you about your partner.
Most importantly, however, is how you should convey this to your partner.
And if you should do it at all.
Maybe it’s a trait that’s perfectly fine, but bugs you for some reason.
For example, if it’s something your partner wants to wear but you don’t like it, then you shouldn’t interfere either.
If you keep doing this, you’ll annoy your partner and put pressure on them.
Nobody likes too much control in a relationship. And everyone wants them to do or wear what they like.
These little things can cause a really big argument if they are constantly mentioned.
Try not to bring up such things again if your partner doesn’t want to change them. This also applies in the opposite situation.
4. Attack the problem, not each other
You two are a couple, aren’t you? You love each other and there is no good reason to intentionally hurt each other.
Don’t forget that the two of you should be each other’s love partner as well as best friend.
Refrain from hurting or insulting the other person to gain the upper hand in the argument.
The potential for leaving scars is enormous. It’s too easy to say things you can’t let go.
It’s easiest to hurt someone when you know what’s hurting that person.
Don’t bring up irrelevant details just to prove your point.
It’s so tempting to affirm one’s “rightness” by pointing out the other’s “wrongness,” but don’t.
It’s the quickest way to drop an argument and forget what you were actually fighting for.
What to say instead
The threat of divorce during an argument can be devastating.
There are numerous ways to improve the situation between the two of you instead of just saying, “Every time I fight, I think about breaking up.”
If of course you want to stay in the relationship and use that phrase as a threat.
As said, it is wrong to mention these words in such situations.
Saying or hearing the word “breakup” will certainly cause negative emotions and a drag to end the relationship even though you really don’t want to.
In the excitement of the moment, it’s more productive to express your feelings in other ways, e.g. B. “I’m so angry that part of me feels like I don’t want to be with you anymore, even though I never would.”
That’s only an example. So if you want to give your partner the impression of how serious the situation is, you can do it this way.
You’re also telling your partner at the same time that this feeling is temporary and that you just need to calm down.
“I’m hurt because I feel like you’re not really listening to what I’m saying, and that happens all the time, and I’m starting to feel alone.”
Just rephrase the sentence. Your partner will also perceive this differently than when you scream and threaten to break up.
Fighting is inevitable , and not all healthy couples fight fairly all the time. Doors can be slammed. Things can be said.
It’s just impossible not to fight in a relationship. You probably know the phrase we all used a lot as children: “He who fights loves himself very much”.
Arguing is perfectly normal. Things always go much better after the fight. And besides, it can also lead to violent things.
And it can happen that plastic containers are thrown across the room.
If you know how to argue fairly, that’s a very good thing.
It brings you closer to what you want while also strengthening your relationship.
Anything that makes you still hold out—or want to hold out—at the end of an argument is worth the effort.