In the oh-so-true words of Hannah Montana, “Everyone makes mistakes!” The great thing about mistakes, though, is that you can learn from them and do better next time. But first, you need to be aware of the issues in the first place.
When it comes to matters of the heart, here’s the huge mistake you’re making in your love life, based on your birth month.
Never making time for love at all.
You are a go-getter and are constantly on the move. You have a jam-packed calendar filled with deadlines, meetings, volunteer work, creative endeavors, brunches with friends, coffee with mentors, dinner with your parents, and basically anything and everything except romance. And this is by design. You never make time to find a relationship not because you’re too busy but because you’re afraid of getting hurt.
Please know that you’re not protecting yourself as much as you think you are by doing this. You’re actually doing yourself more harm by keeping your heart closed off because you’re reinforcing the idea that love always ends in heartbreak. Yes, you can get hurt. Yes, relationships might end. But wouldn’t you rather try? Wouldn’t you rather say you were brave and put yourself out there? And besides, what if it works out?
Putting the bare minimum on a pedestal.
You tend to put up with bad behavior and accept less than you deserve in relationships because you romanticize the bare minimum. You think gestures as basic as remembering your birthday, planning dates, and being there when you need support are grand acts of romance when these things should honestly be expected in a committed relationship.
You need to up your standards if you want to find a relationship that you both deserve and thrive in. You need to say what you want and be willing to walk away if you don’t receive those asks. You need to know that you are worth a love that is kind, that is supportive, that is real. Stop settling for less than you deserve.
Devaluing your worth.
You don’t see everything you bring to the table and end up dating down as a result or never going for the people you’re interested in because you believe they wouldn’t feel the same way about you.
You need to remember that you have so many beautiful things to offer that someone will cherish. You just need to believe it yourself. This isn’t to say you need to “love yourself first” before you find love. You just need to at least start trying to be kinder to yourself and see yourself clearly before you do.
Moving too quickly.
You tend to barrel headfirst into relationships without thinking about the logistics of a partnership first. You don’t consider whether the person you’re drawn to is actually a good fit for you and if you could truly see yourself together long-term. You’re driven by emotion and while feelings are important you need to think about reality, too.
You need to slow it down a bit when you start dating someone new. You need to learn about the things that make them who they are beyond the fact they make you feel giddy and excited. You need to give love more time to grow or else it will burn out as quickly as it started. There’s romance in the slow burn too. Don’t forget that.
Not being honest about what you want.
You’re afraid of being seen as too much so you are never truly upfront about the type of commitment you’re seeking. You agree to go with the flow when you already know you want to commit to the person you’ve been seeing. You say you’re fine with casual when you’re actually looking for something serious. You pretend that a situationship is enough for you when it most definitely is not.
If you actually want to find a partner, you need to be willing to be honest about what you want. Otherwise, you will never find it and keep ending up disappointed. But mostly, you’ll keep wasting your time. Speak up and find the love you want.
Falling for potential instead of for who someone truly is.
You see someone’s potential and think that they are just destined to fulfill it. For example, you know the person you’re seeing could communicate better or be more doting or try harder at work. So you wait for them to step into the role you’ve painted in your mind.
But the truth is that falling for potential is the same thing as falling for an idea. And besides, it’s not up to you to decide who or what someone else should be. Either you like them for who they are or you don’t like them at all. Full stop. Stop looking for projects and find a partner instead.
Believing you don’t deserve the love you want.
You don’t believe you’re worthy of the love you want. You think that finding literally anyone is better than having no one at all so you end up dating people who either aren’t right for you or who don’t treat you all that well.
You need to remember that you can be lonely with someone else and it’s far better to be alone than just to date someone to say that you have a relationship. You need to be patient and know that you deserve the love you want.
Expecting fireworks and butterflies to sustain a lasting partnership.
Chemistry is important for sure but it isn’t the only thing that matters in a relationship. Real life will always get in the way and passion can only go so far in keeping love afloat. The truth is shit will get boring and stale and hard and you need to find ways to be okay with that.
Eventually, you need to do the hard work of maintaining the relationship if you want to keep it. You need to learn to compromise. You need to learn to support each other even when it’s not the most convenient. You need to learn to become okay with the mundane. You need to learn to allow room for imperfection. Because, eventually, you’ll see this is where the good stuff hides.
Being too critical.
Having standards is one thing, but clinging to unrealistic expectations is another. You want perfection or you want no one at all. The tough thing about this is that you will end up with no one at all because no one is perfect. This is a surefire way to end up alone.
If you don’t want to be single forever, you need to understand that everyone is annoying, including you. You need to understand that no one will ever be the perfect partner, but they will be real and that will be enough if you allow it to be.
Never taking time to be single.
You thrive on romance and flirting but never take enough time between situationships and relationships and all the in-between to truly be single and embrace your independence and solitude.
You need to learn who you are outside of another person in order to find who you are truly compatible with. Otherwise, you will continue to try and fit the mold of who you think someone else wants as opposed to who you actually are. You deserve to be loved for you. Spend time with yourself to find out who that is and then go from there.
Ghosting instead of having difficult conversations.
Whenever you’re not feeling something or someone you’re dating does something that hurts you, you don’t address it. Instead, you ghost. You figure they can read between the silence and understand that you moved on or that their bad behavior was unacceptable.
This isn’t doing you any favors though. Not only does it hurt the other party, it hurts you too. Ghosting is so commonplace today that it doesn’t always get the toxic rep it truly deserves. Unless you’re truly in danger, it is important to learn how to navigate difficult discussions with someone else. Learn how to let someone down gently. Learn how to stand up for yourself. Your love life will be healthier for it.
You always look for something wrong.
You’re always on high alert when you’re dating someone else. You are scanning the horizons for threats, always looking for a sign it might not work out, or that something is wrong, or that you’re incompatible in some way that can never be reconciled.
The thing about always looking for something wrong is that you will always find it. The truth is there will always be something imperfect about someone else or a relationship. But if you can focus on the good, if you can see some of the imperfections as human, you will have better luck in romance.