Aries is passive-aggressive when they try to show restraint. They can’t say nothing when they’re irritated, so the best they can do to refrain from leaping across the table at someone’s throat, panther style, is to let a snide remark slip through their lips. The fighter in them can’t sit by and let anyone step over them like a literal crosswalk. They are built to bite back, to bark at the slightest sign of trouble. They know that half of the people out there who think they can take on an antagonistic position against an Aries have no clue what they’re signing up for. An Aries knows how to make themselves seem larger than life, how to make noise, how to maintain eye contact without showing the slightest indication of fear. Think about an outdoorsman encountering a bear—an Aries is armed with the same techniques and experience to take on anyone without actually having to draw blood.
A Virgo is a metaphoric Pez dispenser, but instead of shooting out nostalgic little pieces of candy from their mouths, they are verbal ninja stars. You better be careful because those quips have a velocity and accuracy unlike any other sign in the zodiac. Their cup of sarcasm runneth over, like a fondue fountain nobody wanted to pay for but now has to eat from because it’s been paid for. Virgos find it too intellectually insulting to have to state their grievances in plain English; whoever the guilty party is should learn the manners or the wherewithal to comfort themselves in a way that’s not so grating on their nerves. Virgos can ask for what they want in literally every other aspect of their life—career, finance, romance—but they can’t just ask someone directly to stop chewing loudly. Instead they’ll write a manifesto on the topic and post it on the gram, hoping it gets shared enough to make it to its intended audience.
Geminis always bite off more than they can chew, and it inevitably causes issues when they come to a point where they cannot possibly make everyone happy. And instead of just level setting with the relevant parties, they start to foster resentment. Resentment that they were asked to do so much in the first place, resentment that they felt they had to say yes, resentment that they have to deal with attitude from other people who don’t want to compete for their time and attention. They let it all bottle up until they self-implode, but there is very, very, long fuse before that dynamite explodes. And along the way, they let themselves vent their frustration in the most passive aggressive ways imaginable. They will fight about literally everything and anything but the actual issue that’s bothering them. God save anyone they find themselves on the road with—there’s bound to be honking and screaming galore.
A Capricorn is the sign that’s going to join the homeowners association and have bylaws adopted before they’ll ever deign to knock on a neighbors door and ask them to turn down their music. Their retaliation and revenge is complex and delayed, but to a Capricorn, nothing is sweeter. They will wait days and weeks to ensure their perpetrators are punished, but the likelihood this person realizes their punishment is arriving via a Capricorn is slim to none. A Capricorn is undoubtedly the source of that infamous Amazon review for sugar-free gummy bears—the person who left a bowl of them on their desk for unexpecting coworkers to take and suffer unspeakable digestive consequences. Such are the ways of a passive-aggressive Capricorn—so passive, in fact, that nobody could even accuse them of the aggression.