Over the years, you’ll meet your fair share of people who you’ll consider being in a romantic relationship with, and each dynamic will be so unique. We’re all very different from one another, so it should be obvious that every person we come across will spark a different kind of energy within and between us. Every person you meet will have a different personality, a different backstory, different dreams, and different life circumstances. Again, obvious.
What may not be so obvious though, is that when we do get into a relationship with one of these people, we need to stop comparing what we have to what our siblings, cousins, friends or some social media influencers share with their significant others. Context is important. We may look at what they have, and think to ourselves, “Why don’t I have that? Maybe I deserve better.” While this may or may not be true, doing these negative comparisons is a sure-fire way to kill a potentially good relationship, because again, every relationship is different.
Having said that, you do deserve to have someone who treats you well. But what does that mean?
You deserve someone who gives and receives enough love.
We all love with different intensities and have different capacities to give and receive love. Sometimes you can give all your love to someone, but they can only accept that much before it becomes overwhelming for them, and they can only give you that little bit in return. Sometimes, that little bit is all they are capable of, which may not feel like enough for you. That’s not their fault, and it’s not yours either. Your love ceilings may just be at very different levels, and that might make you incompatible. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel like you are too much or too little. You deserve someone who cares and feels the way you do, or at least, is committed and understanding enough to be genuinely okay with your differences in intensity. And you have to be genuinely okay with it too; everything else might fall into place, but if you’re feeling like you need more or less from someone who is only able to give that certain amount, then maybe you’re better off as friends.
You deserve someone you respect, and who inspires you to be a better person.
You deserve someone who you can look up to. They may not have an endless supply of money or the best body or all the friends in the world, but they’re hardworking, they’re passionate about something, and/or they’re there for those they love. Wealth, looks and status aren’t important here. What matters is that they have qualities that you value, and that maybe you would like more of in yourself as well. Having them by your side motivates you to push that little bit harder, to reach for your goals, to get out of bed in the morning. You deserve someone who makes you want to be the best person you can be, and who will support you in doing just that. Someone who you can look at with pride and think to yourself, “That’s my person, and I am theirs.”
You deserve someone who respects you and can communicate healthy boundaries.
Just like how you deserve someone you respect, you deserve someone who respects you too. Someone who will listen to what you’re saying – occasionally what you’re not saying – and who will accept that you are an actual person with valid needs and emotions. Someone who will show up when they say they will, who will not leave you hanging, who will value your time and energy, and not assume that your world revolves around them. At the same time, they’re able to establish healthy boundaries with you. You will not be enmeshed with this person, not codependent or demanding or overly needy. This is someone who will say, “I love and care for you, but I am my own person, you are your own person, and that’s good.” You deserve someone you can rely on, who can rely on you too, but the two of you will also have healthy lives outside of each other. You deserve someone who will make you feel secure enough so that you can exist without spending time with them consistently, but who will be there for you when you need them.
You deserve someone who isn’t afraid to call you out on your BS, but knows the right way and time to do it.
We all mess up, and sometimes, even if we don’t like to admit it, we’ll display toxic behavior or unhealthy thinking. There will be unhelpful things we say or do that we need to be made aware of and to work on, and you deserve someone who can have those difficult conversations with you. You deserve someone who isn’t worried about getting serious with you, who is aware that relationships aren’t about unconditional acceptance of the other person. Someone who will tell you if you’ve acted in a way that was undesirable, who will tell you how it made them feel, and who will hear you out when you explain your side of the situation. Someone who will be willing to speak and listen, even when it may feel easier to just let things slide. This person will know when and how to bring it up. They will not attack you, or use their concerns as a rebuttal when you raise some issues of your own. They are not here to criticize you, but to work on your relationship with you. You will not feel like you are the problem. The problem will be the problem, and it will be you and them versus the problem.
You deserve someone you’re sure about.
Nothing is ever really constant, and that includes your relationship. There will be days when you have to put in more effort, and there will be days when your partner has to do more. There will be days when you will argue, you will hit dead-ends, you will go to bed angry. But there should also be days when you feel so much love for this special person in your life. There should be days when you want to let the rest of the world disappear while you’re wrapped around them. There should be days when it doesn’t matter what the two of you are doing, you’re happy just to be in their company. And most of all, no matter what kind of day it is, you should be able to look at them and think to yourself that even the worst days are worth it. You should be able to look at them and know how much they’re worth to you, and you should be able to feel like you’re worth it to them too. You deserve someone who makes you feel like that.