You may have heard this a million times before, but the love you need begins with loving yourself as perfectly as possible. I know this because that’s been my life the past few months, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more in love with myself than I am now.
Love is a lot of things, but in its true definition it is definitely not painful. Nonetheless, bad love builds character in the sense that amidst the dysfunction, we discover parts of ourselves we don’t like. If you’re self-aware and appreciate progress as much as most successful people do, you’ll notice some not-so-cute parts of yourself and learn vital lessons from the pain you experience. Once your lessons are learned, you’ll be less likely to fall into patterns that have led you to feeling like shit in the name of “love”. It’s one thing to realize that the situation you’re in is bad, but it’s a whole other “Red Table Talk” when you have to convince yourself that some good can come out of it if you leave early enough.
The part where you begin to manifest the love you need is in the healing process. So, you’ve left the bad relationship and have made mental notes of the things you don’t want from the next opportunity to find love — now what? Mastering self-love is the next step. Self-love isn’t just taking yourself out on regular solo dates, spoiling yourself, and posting motivational quotes on the ‘Gram. Self love is holding yourself accountable for the contributions you’ve made in the failure of your previous relationships, having regular check-ins with your heart to make sure it’s okay, and most importantly, saying no to things that don’t align with the person you want to be. People will call you selfish and picky, but I can guarantee that not being so accessible to people is what’ll open your eyes to things you don’t want, thus making it easier to avoid them altogether. In doing so, you not only avoid repeating old dysfunctional patterns, but you also avoid creating new ones that are equally bad for you.
Self-love is reminding yourself every day that love is a beautiful thing, and that because you are beautiful, you deserve it in its purest, most sincere form. Being intimate with yourself (not just in a se*ual way, if that’s a thing for you) is probably the most important part in the self-love journey. Intimacy strengthens any bond created, and what better bond is there to strengthen than the one you have with your best self? It’s like getting to know someone new. You’re getting to know who you are, what you like and don’t like. Elevating your self-awareness to such a level is guaranteed to keep you from settling for an imitation or version of love that won’t build you.
Energy is everything, and when you love yourself more, you attract people who vibrate at the same frequency. A healthy love between two (or more) people is one where two (or more) people who love themselves wholly come together to share in that love with each other. There is little to no space for petty relationship BS that’s plaguing and destroying modern relationships when you and your person effortlessly yet intentionally give love as much as you’re receiving it. The love you need is not hard to find, because it begins with you.