It took me 15 years to realize that I deserved to be loved for who I am. And you deserve it too.
Despite our past mistakes, we all deserve to know this special happiness.
It’s not just a matter of luck
Have you ever noticed that we women tend to talk about luck when something good happens to us?
The majority of men seem to have an innate sense of entitlement to the right things in their life. They are more likely to believe that they deserve what they have, whether or not they worked hard for it.
Whereas we often attribute our happiness to luck, chance, or some “higher entity”. Something outside of us anyway.
Let me ask you the following question: do you think you deserve a romantic love in your life? Do you think you deserve a good man who will love you and take care of you?
If the answer is no because you’ve had your fair share of failures, read on.
If it is negative because you feel very good on your own, that’s fine, but don’t hesitate to read on anyway. Maybe you missed something when you made this decision?
The biggest mistake we often make
I remember a relationship that changed my life. I gave up everything to feel loved by this person.
My whole life revolved around her. I got lost and let go of the things that mattered to me.
Waking up from the breakup was more than painful, you can imagine.
If you don’t feel good about yourself, have abandonment wounds, or are in a wobbly relationship, sometimes you put all of your hopes and desires on a partner, in the hopes that they can heal you and you. give the love you always wanted.
Unfortunately, this waiting can turn into a fantasy that will blind and disappoint you. Especially when your abandonment wounds are triggered by that partner …
Putting your hopes in someone else to feel good about themselves often ends in heartache. It leaves you feeling empty when you’ve sacrificed your needs to feel loved.
If you don’t prioritize yourself, no one else will. If you sacrifice yourself to meet the needs of others, your own needs will not be met.
Doing this is different from loving, it’s called emotional dependence.
A fantasy of love that will do you more harm than good
When you didn’t receive the love you needed when you were younger, you may find yourself having a mechanism as an adult to fantasize about what love from others will finally bring you.
You project all of your unmet expectations and needs onto a partner and you may end up seeing your relationship as the sole source of your needs being met. This forces you to let go of certain aspects of yourself in the process.
By denying your real self, you end up creating a one-sided relationship where only the pleasure of the other is important.
Losing yourself in romantic relationships makes you believe that it will protect you from that feeling of being rejected, unloved, or worthless. It becomes a love-mirage: it is not a real love.
Doing so will only blind you and prevent you from getting the love you really deserve.
Being true to yourself is the key to obtaining that coveted sincere love.
First lesson, then.
To find the right person, you have to be the right person
Before you get back in the saddle, take a look at your life.
What went wrong in your previous relationships? What patterns and habits do you have? Understand your mechanics before embarking on a new story.
Then, when you are in a relationship, never forget what it means: working in pairs. If one partner wants to change, evolve and the other doesn’t, it’s no longer a couple, it’s just a relationship.
If you’re in a relationship and both of you are trying to improve it, you’re on the right track.
Lesson Two: Know Your Limits
Will infidelity automatically be unacceptable? What do you see as point (s) of no return: drug abuse? Excessive alcohol consumption? Dishonesty ? Financial instability?
Decide this BEFORE anything. It is important. While you may adjust to suit later, you need a base.
But once you know your cutoff points, be prepared to stick to them.
It’s not about losing the other person by respecting them, but about not losing yourself by pushing your limits.
Don’t compromise on emotional, verbal, physical or abuse. Someone who treats you like this is unlikely to change, and it may even get worse.
It’s not your job to solve other people’s problems at the expense of yourself, move on.
If you forget about one of your limits, you are lying to yourself.
Once again you will be stuck in a dysfunctional story, having to negotiate to accept less than what you want and certainly less than what you deserve.
Which brings us to the third lesson.
True love doesn’t hurt
Romantic relationships should be consistent.
There will always be times of pain or disappointment, by accident, even with those who truly love you.
That’s life, no one can meet all of your needs. A comment may be misinterpreted, your partner may be grappling with something; in short, there are a multitude of reasons that can lead to arguments. It’s not always easy, but if you work on it, it works.
But the nuance is there: true love helps you in life, it doesn’t make it more difficult!
Love is a form of support in a difficult world and it is certainly not a succession of inconvenience, tears, cries and unanswered questions.
Emotionally healthy people don’t live that way.
Final lesson: true love is an act of you, towards you
Act and insist on this point.
Every day, whether in a relationship or not, understand that love is what you do, not what you say.
And demand the same in return; demand deeds, not promises.
You deserve to be treated with love and respect in all of your dealings.
True, true love requires continuous work on oneself. Learn to respect yourself and feel good about yourself.
It doesn’t mean that you will feel 100% fabulous all the time but it will always be better than before!